Where it all began…

All Access Sewing has been born of two things – love of sewing and love of self. Two things have dominated my life – an obsession with sewing and an innate feeling of being a weird failure of a human being who never fit in anywhere and, no matter how hard I tried, was always one step behind my peers.

Whether you know me professionally or personally, you’d be forgiven for thinking I am speaking utter nonsense. I was the model academic student growing up, I have always been top of my class receiving As and Distinctions throughout my academic journey. I am bold and confident to the onlooker; the epitome of someone coasting through life, soaking up success on the way.

However, have you heard the analogy of the swan gliding gracefully over the water’s surface while underneath the legs are paddling at a frantic rate? Well that’s me. Yes I know how to take a good test, and yes I can put on a smile and charm when I need to. But no one sees the me that hides under her weighted blanket for three hours because she has to make a phone call, or the me that gets ghosted for the next job because she wasn’t quite the right ‘cultural fit’. On paper I’m a roaring success. The reality is I am overwhelmed chaos constantly searching for the key that makes life easy or makes me feel ‘normal’ (I hate that word!)

Now you know this about me, you may or may not be surprised to learn that a few years ago when we were coming out of Lockdown, at the age of 39, I made the discovery that I am autistic and ADHD. I once head the analogy that living with undiagnosed neurodivergency is like constantly playing a computer game that everyone else seems to be really good at but, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t play the same. Then finding out that your game has been set to ‘hard’ mode, while everyone else is playing on ‘easy’ mode. Learning this doesn’t give you the key to changing your game to easy but it does mean you start to play the game slightly differently.

I started talking about my journey online and found entire communities of people who saw the world as I did! People related to what I had to say. Had I finally found my place?

One of the first things I did when I had come to terms with this new found revelation was to tear my wardrobe apart. Not literally, but there was some very fervent pulling from hangers as I found my flow. I don’t know who else can relate, as this is a fairly common theme for women (and some men) throughout history, but up to that point I had always dressed for how I thought I was expected to dress. Choosing an outfit in the morning was a huge challenge for me. There are far too many variables and I lose my mind in variables. I need definites, non-negotiables. I need structure and routine. I am also totally incapable of maintaining these things so a morning would see me staring into my wardrobe my insides crying, paralysed with choice of what to wear. What will the weather be like? Am I seeing anyone today? Do I need to wear a coat (this matters when you are talking layers or big jumpers…)? What does my skin feel like today? How much energy do I have? What can I tolerate? Do I need to look professional today or can I get away with being a slob? I could try on ten different outfits and they’d get pulled off me like the fabric was made of live ants; scratchy, too tight, too loose, too hot, too cold, irritating…the list goes on. And then I’d be left with a pile of clothes I’d have to find the energy to rehang, ready to repeat the next day. Learning about playing in ‘hard’ mode was liberating because I realised I could make the game easier simply by chucking out the clothes that didn’t feel right. I can recommend this to anyone, its exceedingly cathartic!

This was all well and good until I realised all I was left with was black leggings, strappy tops and a couple of hoodies.

My mission that I chose to accept at that point was to use my sewing passions and skills to create myself a sensory friendly, easy to use capsule wardrobe. I will write a future blog on the process I went through with this but, suffice to say, at this point, I cannot begin to stress how empowering this process was! I think we all underestimate the importance of clothing. We all wear clothes and we all choose clothes that represent how we want the world to see us (or not see us in some instances – I’ve had my fair share of wanting to be invisible!)

Once I started to adapt the clothes I already owned, or second hand items I found in charity shops, I began to feel less concerned about what I was putting on. That may seem like a backward step but let me remind you of the energy I would expend getting dressed in the morning. The idea that I had a wardrobe full of safe clothes, that all went together, and that all felt comfortable, meant the ‘thinking’ involved in dressing was reduced dramatically. And that was my overall goal!

As I started to document this journey on social media I found I was having more and more conversations with other people who felt the same as me and were feeling inspired by the ideas I was sharing. I started to see the bigger picture, struggles with clothing and getting dressed reached far beyond me and my wardrobe. There was a whole community of people out there who were struggling!

I decided to write the book All Access Sewing as a guide for anyone who, like me, felt disempowered by the clothing available to them. I am ultimately a hugely impatient person so when I feel like I have to wait on someone else’s schedule, I will just go out and do it myself. I couldn’t wait for someone in the fashion industry to start making clothing that were accessible to me, that process is happening far too slowly! And it is the same with accessible clothing for other disabled people. All Access Sewing shows anyone they CAN sew and they CAN take control and create clothing that works for them!

I have been blown away by the response to All Access Sewing and our Facebook community All Access Sewciety is growing every day. Although its early days, and I am only at the beginning of this journey, I have huge plans going forwards and, at the root of it all is a newfound love and understanding of who I am and what my contribution to this world can be. I’ve found my place and, considering I spent 39 years convinced there was no place for me, that is no small thing.

If any of this resonates with you, please come and join the conversation in out All Access Sewciety group. We’d love to have you there!